At least make sure they are 18
Why
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
