ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
look no pants
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
