This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
