I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
