Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
