i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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