i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
