I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize