does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
