dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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