fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
