i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
even my farts smell like vagina
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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