just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
