hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
