im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
