Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
