he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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