It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Vodka?
Forever.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
