If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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