3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
