I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
