I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
