Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
