ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
