He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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