I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
