you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
