I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
