i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
