There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
