I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am spending my child support on dildos
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
