whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
