Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
