I smell stomach acid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
