So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
