just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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