we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
