my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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