then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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