I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
