Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
