so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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