Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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