this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize