Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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