in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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