Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
