Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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