Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
