Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
