69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
