Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
