matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
