She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
