Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
