Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
