I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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