Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
