I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
