I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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