i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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