I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
