i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
