Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
