you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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