South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
