tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
