I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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