somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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