After last night, I could never be a politician.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
