I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
