I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
porn star boner night. come get it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
